The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .

But when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, read this article we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay males want to discover out from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Comments on “The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain”

Leave a Reply

Gravatar